As I sit here staring out my window, I feel a stirring in my soul. Maybe it's the fresh coat of snow that has the world looking crisp and new like soft wool that has just been shorn. Or maybe it's the sunlight streaming through my window that has me closing my eyes and soaking up its warmth. Or maybe it's the new year.
I don't know… but whatever it is, it has me feeling like the world is new and fresh. I have a restlessness in me that needs an outlet… I MUST make a change! There is no holding back when you are ready… I am ready!
As I look back at 2014, there are so many happy memories that flood my mind as I think about all the fun we had and moments we've shared together as a family: hiking across the vast Alaskan mountain ranges, playing in a kiddie pool during 80 degree summer sun, tossing a bean bag during the family 4th of July picnic.
All of those memories could easily leave me yearning for days gone bye… and I must admit that I cry regularly as I grieve the moments that are gone. You see, I wish that I could just bottle up the innocence, giggles, and baby smell of my sweet little boy. He's changing so fast and I wish that I could just stop it!
But not any more… I am ready to embrace the new! As much as I still want to hide my baby away and keep him little always, each new day and new memory made has me realizing that life just gets better and better! I now know what it is to hear my little boy say, "I love you mommy." If I had my way, he would have stayed little forever and I would have never heard those 4 little words whispered to me in the cover of darkness as I tucked him in at night.
Yes, Time seems like a cruel joke, but God knows better than we do! Each day there are new experiences to be made, and each day has it's own memories that I can cherish until my dying days.
Will I still grieve the passing days? I believe I will. As my husband and I pillow talk at night, I will shed a few tears now and then as I watch my memories like an old movie replaying through my mind, and that is OK! I truly believe that is part of being a mommy - having a heart that is so full it floods over through my eyes.
But despite the tears, I will also look forward to each new morning and live each day to the fullest!
While I'm not one to typically make a resolution, I know that this year there needs to be a change in me, and I believe God is already making that change! So this year I will…
Cherish the past….
Embrace the future…
Live for today!
Labels: My Life